The Perfect Break Up Routine for Overachievers

Every break up is hard, but for overachievers break ups can be excruciatingly painful. 

We get stuck wondering things like, “what could I have done differently?” or “Maybe I should have stuck it out longer?” 

When you’re unsure what to do, it’s hard to move forward. 

The good news is, you can easily bring order to the emotional chaos by planning your new routines post- break up. 

In this post, I’ll define a break up routine and provide 3 therapist-approved break up routines. I hope that this will give you a roadmap so you can get started with grief of the break up and truly move on. 

What is the perfect break up routine for overachievers?

The perfect break up routine for overachievers addresses basic self care, simple and effective communication, and schedules time for messy feelings.

In other words:

You need to take care of yourself, talk to others, and sit with your feelings. 

The added benefit is that this routine cultivates the key to moving into singleness with confidence and ultimately finding a new partner.  

Basic Self Care

Self care helps our physical selves to function so that our emotional selves can do the healing work. Ditch the bath bombs and stick to the basics - eating enough, drinking enough water, moving enough, sleeping enough, showering, and avoiding alcohol. 

This is a crucial component because the emotional healing after a break up requires a lot of energy.  

Many people who have just gone through a break up start out on the right track but then get stuck because the emotions get so overwhelming they start to numb. Everything. And when you’re numb, it doesn’t really matter if you’ve eaten lunch or taken a shower in days.  

And then they wind up crying into a pint of ice cream while holding a bottle of chardonnay. Emotionally stuck. Physically feeling crappy. And farther away from their goal of healing and self acceptance. 

The key to moving on with high self worth is to support yourself. 

To get started here, start with avoiding alcohol and getting sleep. Alcohol is a frenemy of the recently broken hearted - it will numb your feelings, and then make those feelings come back 10x worse. It also interrupts good sleep which you desperately need to manage the major stress of a break up. 

Simple (and Effective) Communication

Simple and effective communication helps you update your friends and family about the break up while setting up important boundaries to help you.

If you’ve spent time grieving after a break up but something  still feels off – like you’re not getting anywhere and still lonely, this is likely the piece that’s missing. 

Without this, you can talk and talk about the break up and still not feel any sense of support, healing, or peace.

What can you do?

A really useful communication tool for your other relationships post- break ups is the classic “I feel” sentence. But keep reading - most people do it all wrong. 

“I feel [emotion word]” + “and” + “I need”

For example: “I feel really lonely after the break up, and I need to schedule some regular time with you in the next few weeks.” 

Or: “I feel hurt that you’re still talking to my ex and I need to know that you choose me and understand why we’re not together anymore.” 

Or: “I feel angry that my ex is finally doing XYZ that I begged them to do, and I just need to know I’m not crazy for feeling this way.” 

Notice none of these examples say “I feel like…” or “I feel like you…”. If you start the sentence this way, you’re sharing a thought not a feeling, and maybe even a harsh opinion that will create an argument.

A tried and true “I feel” sentence gives you the opportunity to identify your own needs and feelings, and share it with others in a way that gives them the opportunity to come through for you. It sets you up for self awareness, and your friends up for friendship success. 

Schedule Your Feelings

Grief is sneaky, but a structure for messy feelings during a break up gives you concentrated time to pay attention to your emotions on your time table. Schedule in time to be present with your feelings the same way you schedule a nail appointment or an oil change. 

Here’s where you’ll really start to bring all the strategies together to kick start your post-break up healing.

Of course, this takes time and practice. Consider starting with a therapist if doing all of this on your own feels overwhelming.  

The routine for emotions you can use to kick start your healing is:

• Identify the time of day you usually begin to have big feelings. For some, this is at night and for others it’s during the weekends. There’s no wrong answer. 

• Then find a time during your normal schedule that overlaps with the usually emotional time. Maybe you work late three nights a week, but you get off early on Friday nights. Friday night would be when you’re feelings hit and when you’re not needing to be productive. 

• Then, in order to get the emotional release you need, schedule 20 minutes into that time slot to grieve. Play sad songs (maybe formerly-happy songs, maybe break up classics). Go through old photos. Allow yourself to cry, scream into a pillow, rage write a letter. Then at the end of the 20 minutes, put yourself back together. 

Once you’re done,  you’ll be well on your way to emotional healing. 

The temptation for most overachievers is to just stuff the big/ scary/ hard feelings deep down and go be productive. But the break up shook the big bottle of Diet coke and the stress of life threatens to drop a Mentos into it. Aka, big explosion. 

By giving yourself small, scheduled, controlled releases you’re more likely to help yourself heal without feeling out of control. 

Putting it All Together for Your Perfect Break Up Routine 

There you have it! The 3 therapist-approved components of your perfect break up routine. 

It may sound like a lot, but like most things practice makes perfect. Just focus on basic self care first.  This will help you prioritize your well being and give yourself a strong foundation for the emotion healing work to come.

What’s next? Schedule Consult Call

If you need help getting started, therapy will help you customize the exact routine you need, and I can walk through every stage of the break up with you so you can not just move on, but move forward into a life you love. 

Click here to schedule your free 15 minute consult now